: Liberal Problems Up North - Manitoba Herald
The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada
has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols
to stop the illegal immigration.
The Republicans winning the Senate is prompting an exodus among
left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray,
and live according to the Constitution. Canadian border farmers say
it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, global
warming activists, and "green" energy proponents crossing their fields
at night.
"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood
producer huddled in the barn," said Southern Manitoba farmer Red
Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota . “The producer was
cold, exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and
some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left before
I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?" In an effort to
stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the
liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared Rush
Limbaugh across the fields, but they just keep coming. Officials are
particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the
Canadian border, pack them into electric cars and drive them across
the border where they are simply left to fend for themselves after the
battery dies. "A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged
conditions," an Ontario border patrolman said.
"I found one carload without a single bottle of Perrier drinking
water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though, and
some kale chips." When liberals are caught, they're sent back across
the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from
conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about plans being made to
build re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink
domestic beer and study the Constitution. In recent days, liberals
have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have been
disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian
prescription drugs. After catching a half- dozen young vegans in
blue-hair wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began
stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior citizens about Perry
Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the '50s.
"If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk
Show, we become very suspicious about their age," an official said.
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are
creating an organic-broccoli shortage, buying up all the Barbara
Streisand c.d.'s, and renting all the Michael Moore movies. "I really
feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't
support them," an Ottawa resident said.
"How many art-history majors does one country need?" Trying to
reassure his liberal base and get them to return to the U.S.,
President Obama reiterated what he said in his press conference
following the beating the democrats took in the last
election: "I heard from the 1/3 of the electorate that voted, but I
also heard from the 2/3 that did not vote." Who knew the president
was clairvoyant? He also said the reason the democrats got their asses
whipped wasn't because of HIS policies, but rather because the dems
did not get his message out to the people. Ya gotta love a guy that
takes responsibility when something goes wrong.
The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada
has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols
to stop the illegal immigration.
The Republicans winning the Senate is prompting an exodus among
left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray,
and live according to the Constitution. Canadian border farmers say
it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, global
warming activists, and "green" energy proponents crossing their fields
at night.
"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood
producer huddled in the barn," said Southern Manitoba farmer Red
Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota . “The producer was
cold, exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and
some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left before
I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?" In an effort to
stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the
liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared Rush
Limbaugh across the fields, but they just keep coming. Officials are
particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the
Canadian border, pack them into electric cars and drive them across
the border where they are simply left to fend for themselves after the
battery dies. "A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged
conditions," an Ontario border patrolman said.
"I found one carload without a single bottle of Perrier drinking
water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though, and
some kale chips." When liberals are caught, they're sent back across
the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from
conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about plans being made to
build re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink
domestic beer and study the Constitution. In recent days, liberals
have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have been
disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian
prescription drugs. After catching a half- dozen young vegans in
blue-hair wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began
stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior citizens about Perry
Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the '50s.
"If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk
Show, we become very suspicious about their age," an official said.
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are
creating an organic-broccoli shortage, buying up all the Barbara
Streisand c.d.'s, and renting all the Michael Moore movies. "I really
feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't
support them," an Ottawa resident said.
"How many art-history majors does one country need?" Trying to
reassure his liberal base and get them to return to the U.S.,
President Obama reiterated what he said in his press conference
following the beating the democrats took in the last
election: "I heard from the 1/3 of the electorate that voted, but I
also heard from the 2/3 that did not vote." Who knew the president
was clairvoyant? He also said the reason the democrats got their asses
whipped wasn't because of HIS policies, but rather because the dems
did not get his message out to the people. Ya gotta love a guy that
takes responsibility when something goes wrong.
