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  #1  
Old 01-09-2015, 09:31 AM
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A woman from Los Angeles who was a tree hugging, liberal Democrat and an anti-hunter purchased a piece of timberland near Helena, MT. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted a good view of the natural splendor of her land so she started to climb the big tree.

As she neared the top she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch.

In considerable pain, she hurried to a local ER to see a doctor. She told him she was an environmentalist, a Democrat, and an anti-hunter and how she came to get all the splinters. The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go wait in the examining room and he would see if he could help her.

She sat and waited three hours before the doctor re-appeared.The angry woman demanded, "What took you so long?"

He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a 'recreational area' so close to a Waste Treatment Facility.

And I'm sorry, but due to Obama-Care they turned you down.
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  #2  
Old 01-10-2015, 03:08 PM
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Leave the splinters in and declare the area a National Monument like our Richard-Cranium-in-Chief....
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  #3  
Old 01-10-2015, 09:11 PM
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One day in the forest, 3 guys were just hiking along a trail when all of a sudden, a huge pack of Indians attaked them and knocked them out. When they woke up, they were at the leader of the tribe's throne. The chief then said, "All of your lives may be spared if you can find ten of one fruit and bring them back to me." So after a while the first man returned with 10 apples. The cheif then ordered him to stick all ten of them up his butt without making any expression at all on his face. He had a little bit of trouble with the first one and started crying while trying to put the next one in. He was soon killed. Later, the next guy came in with 10 grapes. The cheif soon ordered him to do the same as the first guy. After to the 9th grape, the man started laughing so hard for no apperant reason, and was killed. The first two guys soon met in heaven and the first guy ask the second, "Why did you start laughing? You only needed one more grape and you'd have gotten away!" The second guy answered while still laughing, "I couldn't help it. I saw the third guy walking in with pineapples."
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Old 01-10-2015, 09:13 PM
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A teenage boy takes a quadriplegic girl on a date to dinner and the movies. At the end of the night out, he drives her back home and they start making out in his car. He tells the girl he feels uncomfortable doing this where her parents could come outside and catch them in the act. She says not to worry because she has a place they can go. So he helps her in her chair and she tells him to wheel her into the backyard. When they get in the back, she shows him a huge weeping willow tree that they can hide under and says he can do whatever he wants to her. Under the tree, she shows him two branches that can prop her up and he has his way with her. When they finish, he dresses himself and her, puts back into her chair, wheels her to the front door, and knocks. When her father sees the young man, he thanks him. The boy feels very uncomfortable because of what he just did to the man's daughter and asks, "Why are you thanking me?" "Because son," the father answers, "You are the first boy to take her out of the tree."
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Old 01-10-2015, 09:16 PM
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A husband asks his wife, "Will you marry after I die?" The wife responds, "No, I will live with my sister." The wife asks him back, "Will you marry after I die?" The husband responds, "No, I will also live with your sister."
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Old 01-10-2015, 09:17 PM
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A 3 years old boy sits near a pregnant woman.
Boy: Why do you look so fat?
Pregnant woman: I have a baby inside me.
Boy: Is it a good baby?
Pregnant woman: Yes, it is a very good baby.
Boy: Then why did you eat it?!
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Old 01-10-2015, 09:19 PM
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10 Facts About You:
1. You're reading this now.
2. You're realizing that this is a stupid fact.
4. You didn't notice I skipped number 3.
5. You're checking now.
6. You're smiling.
7. You're still reading this even though it is stupid.
9. You didn't realize I skipped number 8.
10.You're checking again and smiling because you fell for it again.
11. You're enjoying this.
12. You didn't realize I said 10 facts not 12.
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  #8  
Old 01-11-2015, 07:13 AM
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A Chicago Bear, a Detroit Lion & a Minnesota Viking walk into a bar.............
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
to watch the playoffs.
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  #9  
Old 01-11-2015, 11:38 AM
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^^^Haha!!! Watch out next year though!
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Old 01-11-2015, 01:21 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by allied1 View Post
^^^Haha!!! Watch out next year though!
Yeah,
I've been sayin that since Tommy Kramer was slinging passes!
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Old 01-12-2015, 12:27 PM
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Old 01-12-2015, 04:17 PM
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Old 01-12-2015, 04:24 PM
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Old 01-19-2015, 07:12 PM
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Old 01-26-2015, 06:34 AM
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Old 01-26-2015, 06:35 AM
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Old 03-09-2015, 09:21 PM
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Old 03-10-2015, 08:27 PM
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Old 03-10-2015, 08:28 PM
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Old 03-13-2015, 09:16 PM
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Old 03-13-2015, 09:16 PM
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Old 04-02-2015, 04:43 PM
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Old 04-02-2015, 04:45 PM
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Old 04-02-2015, 04:47 PM
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