Ladies need help teaching wife

Stop Yelling at her, you are just stripping all her confidence. Instead of yelling tell her its ok I PROUD of you for getting off the trail and trying, that is the only way she will learn anything, is trying. She is probably not trying very hard because she is afraid of getting stuck. She has enough sled she just needs confidence!!:face-icon-small-hap Oh and the throttle is her friend!!!

Make sure the sled is set up right. That includes risers (I use 10" and I'm only 5'6"), possibly shocks and skis (I LOVE floats with my powder pros- might be too aggressive for her though), great handwarmers, and great gear. If I get cold and wet it's no fun anymore. Also add a muffpot! Warm food always helps. Get a can, lose any extra weight (the sled).

For the teaching, you really need to dedicate days to letting her practice and learn. That means no other guys. Take her to a field of powder and let her practice carving, riding one ski, getting unstuck, all the basics you have to learn. Try to be patient, after all you've already dedicated that day to staying in that field or meadow, so there's nothing to be impatient about. Take a case of beer and a camera and make it HER day. It's not like she has to keep up or get somewhere, so it will make it much easier for her to relax and learn. I think that's the biggest problem with people learning in the beginning. The husbands usually take them with the rest of the group and they get stressed trying to keep up and feeling like they're holding everyone back. That doesn't make for a good day, and it doesn't create a positive feeling about riding.

I know because I've been there. I ride with all men, all very aggressive and great riders. At first I didn't always go because I didn't want to hold anyone up or not make it where they were going. And I WANTED to go, badly. I just didn't feel competent enough. Now I go everywhere because he let me learn without ever getting impatient. He did push me a lot, and really pushed my limits. Which is ok to a point. You push too hard and it becomes negative rather than an accomplishment. At least for me in the beginning. It took time after my biggest crash to regain confidence. Shoving me back into that situation right away wouldn't have helped.

Take her out and teach her those basics and little tricks- how feet placement alters handling, different carving techniques, etc etc. It won't take long and she'll be loving it and learning very fast.

Kudos to you for taking this step...it's frustrating when you know how/what to do and the other person doesn't...but patience is the key when working with us women.

The guys (3 of them including hubby) I started to ride with were absolutely awesome. They never got mad at me, just encouraged me to try it and to get stuck...if I wasn't getting stuck I wasn't trying hard enough. They all ride well, and took me places that challenged me, and although it was frustrating at times, I also was determined to get it and keep up. You have to want to learn and push yourself, you can't just rely on support of others, you gotta get out there and practice, practice, practice!

The only way she'll learn is to feel ok putting herself out there - and it will result in stucks! But she'll learn what it feels like and will eventually get stuck less. Women aren't as comfortable off the get go using the throttle as much as necessary-they don't take command of it, partially because the power scares them and partially because they don't know how to use it to their advantage.
Learning how to 'blurp' your sled out of the snow to avoid stucks is priceless but takes practice as you need to dismount to do it and know when to do it.

A riser will do wonders! Shocks on an M8 from what the other ladies say, is a definite bonus.

I think the best you can do, is stop yelling and encourage her. Make her feel good about getting stuck! A woman will never learn if she's affraid of getting stuck or pizzing off the hubby! It's our nature to be more reserved...and the more encouragement and praise you can give when she does something 'silly'...the better you both are gonna be! Next time she gets stuck try "That was a wicked stuck honey...I'm so excited to come dig you out, I need the exercise...way to try that, next time give er a bit more throttle...good job...you look so sexy..." LOL.

Oh...and have her join a ladies ride!!!Nothing compares to the support of other women and it will give her an equal playing field.
Suggest she joins the LadiesRide forum too...

As said above, don't yell.........It only makes it worse. I have been down that road and after being yelled at you are afraid to do anything for fear your going to get it again.

I know for me it was like follow the leader, do exactly what the person in front of you did, including getting your azz out of the seat, moving your feet from side to side. Take her to an open field and let her just rip it up. Let her know it's OK of she gets stuck, or falls off. It's part of the FUN!!!! Talk to her, encourage her, let her help you load and unload, help her to get to know her machine and how it runs. Most important..........let her know that you want her out there riding with you.

T

One more thing. If you're in a group, maybe ride in the back with her for a while. Then everyone else doesn't have to wait, and you'll know if she's stuck or having problems. Getting in a wreck or stuck badly and waiting a long time for anyone to come looking can be frustrating. I had a creek collapse on me last year, going very fast, straight solid bank. Almost broke my back and could barely get out of the creek. It was over an hour before anyone came looking for me, and they were only like 1/2 mile away or less. I was hammered by the time they got there, had a nice runnout dug, but couldn't get it out. Although I was pretty drunk, I was still pretty mad because it wasted so much time I could be riding, and I was pretty injured. So don't do that. Watch where she goes and go look for her if she doesn't come back.

Also get other wifes/girlfriends to ride with her, that also helps. For the stucking, get a sno-bunje, they are a back saver and everyone is happy!

Ryan......kudos to you for realizing you aren't getting anyplace with the yelling (and admitting to it), and for wanting to make it right. Besides it upsetting your wife and ruining her day out, it doesn't make it any fun for anyone else to be around YOU. Not just pointing to you in specific.....this goes for any guy that yells at his S/O. No one wants to hear that. It puts a damper on everyone's day.

This gal can ride, although some of it may be by fear of that yelling more than the fear of where she's being taken. Arctic1 is a good rider, but a *no fear* kind of guy, and his wife was expected to keep up. He's taken her some places that I've heard experienced guy riders not comfortable with. That is no way to learn, and that is when she started being on the throttle when she shouldn't necessarily be.

Teach her with the throttle. I think one thing she's learned mistakenly is to be on the throttle ALL the time. Help her to learn to feather it in instances where it's needed, instead of hammer down and trenching. There are lots of places where she only needs minimal throttle.

You DO need to stay back with her (or ride behind her in some places), and watch her and be there to help her if she needs or wants it. Taking off to play and leaving her behind with others isn't a good thing. I know everyone is willing to help her, but it's not the same as when your own hubby bites his tongue, puts a smile on, and is right there when needed. Yeah, it might hold you back a bit to start with.....but in the long run, you've created a lifelong riding partner who looks forward to getting out as much as you, and WITH you. Your days out together become fun, instead of upsetting and frustrating.

Definitely do days where it's just the two of you. I think you know some good peeps to go with on other days......where we can all be there for her, but you first. She's probably very ready for you to be the first one to her when she's stuck or tipped over, and not someone else.

Praise......I can't say enough about that. Whenever I do something, G is right there to do the knuckles thing or a loving pat on the bottom, and tell me good job. There are times when I think nothing of what I've just done, but the hubby sees it as an accomplishment of where I've come from and acknowledges that. That goes a long ways......and helps to boost one's confidence in themselves. When she does something *right*.....let her know. Take pride in her and the skills she has and learns.

Sit and watch her play at whatever it is she likes. You like the BIG hills....but what does she like? Does she like to weave around through the trees, do little jumps, carving, smaller hills, what is her thing? You know the areas where we get to, that everyone kind of scatters for their own kind of playing because it has a little of everything.....she ends up following and sitting & watching you. Turn that around. Watch her, encourage her, have patience and NO yelling.

If you give her pointers or tips......do it in a POSITIVE manner. There is no one absolute way with things.....what works for you being a man, and for her will probably vary a bit. She'll also develop her own style as she progresses. Again.....encourage that.

This should be a good year for her.....and I'm excited for her!! :face-icon-small-hap It should also be the beginning of a better riding experience for the both of you.

You're lucky she wants to go and to learn. Think of it that way. How many men only get certain weekends to sled because their wives won't or can't and get sick of them leaving all the time?? A lot. If you put the time in now and be patient with her, eventually she'll be the one begging you to go sledding with her every day possible. That helps both of you. You will be thankful if you do. And so will she! Tell her to get on ladies ride if she's not comfortable asking questions here. She can get techniques or advice there as well as here.

I forgot to check where you were located before I hit the reply button...
But you might check out

http://www.amberholt.com/

And click on Mini's backcountry Basics....I'm planning on taking this class in hopefully January....

Not everyone is patient, especially with their significant others.....:rose:
And some people teach better than others.......:face-icon-small-hap

Good Luck!!!!!!!

Tumblina said:

I forgot to check where you were located before I hit the reply button...
But you might check out

http://www.amberholt.com/

And click on Mini's backcountry Basics....I'm planning on taking this class in hopefully January....

Not everyone is patient, especially with their significant others.....:rose:
And some people teach better than others.......:face-icon-small-hap

Good Luck!!!!!!!

Click to expand...

I love all of the advice on this thread...and I agree it's usually difficult when one spouse is trying to teach the other, well, pretty much anything. As everyone else said, definitely don't yell or belittle, as that's no fun for anyone.

I'm going to Mini's benefit clinic in January, which I'm really hoping will help me with basic skills a lot. I was able to talk with Amber a little bit last weekend and she's really confident in her ability to teach better riding skills. Can't wait--and Tumblina it would be fabulous if you go too!

Best thing the hubby ever did for me when I was stuck and apologizing that he had to stop to help me get out was tell me, "You gotta get stuck if you're going to get better." That was all I needed. Since then I haven't worried too much about getting stuck. Also helped when I got my 700 and had risers put on it.

I agree with Tumbilina--if you're not getting stuck--your not getting better. Of course I still get stuck on stupid things and I expect to get yelled at--I just quickly admit my mistake and start digging. It usually heklps when there are other guys in the group not related to you. They are usually willing to help w/o yelling. Everytime I go out, my goal is to have fun and learn /get better at one thing. Can't wait for the snow!

Never have understood the "yelling" some guys do...I get stuck all the time and if my riding crew yelled at me for it I would be DONE.Guys who yell at their better half for getting stuck deserve to never have anybody(guy or girl) to ride with again.Guys always push each other to do harder stuff that ends up in some huge stucks...And no yelling is involved.Why do they feel the need to yell at women who get stuck?After all,all the woman is doing is pushing herself to her OWN limit and trying to get better.(just like the guys)

Sometimes a stuck that is so called "stupid" or whatever are the funniest ones to be a part of. I always try to laugh when someone pulls a bonehead move and gets stuck.We have all done it and it's part of riding.This IS about having fun!

A year and a half ago, for 4th of July, a group of us went riding up at Bear Paw. The conditions pretty much sucked, but hey, it was the 4th of July! Anyway, my wife got scared about a particular route, and I handled it poorly. While I didn't yell, I was frustrated, and I'm ashamed to say I handled it as poorly as it could have been. I was instantly sorry, and I actually didn't realize what I was doing when I did it. Regardless, we all make mistakes, I was blessed that my wife forgave me, and we (I) had the help of friends that day that helped smooth out the rough spots I created. They know who they are, and I am grateful to have them in our life.

My wife has been going for 3 years now, but not very often. She crashed her first year, and got hurt (More on that later). It was her first injury worse than a paper cut, so it was/is a vivid memory for her. (I've been injured so many times, I don't pay much attention any more, but I have to constantly try to remember how she was affected by that event) Her biggest challenge is going downhill, as that's when she got hurt.

Two specific things that help US:

1) others have listed already: make the day about her. Go someplace that is comfortable for her to access and ride around in to build confidence. For me, that means I take a ball cap, shades and park my sled on the hill. Take the camera, and develop the mindset that that day is all about her. If you're bored, then you're not in the right frame of mind! Learn to become truly excited about her victories and accomplishments. For me, this is easiest if I have the freedom to go ride hard a day or two before. I've gotten it out of my system, and when I go back up with my wife, I find that my mindset is grateful for her support of my 'hard day', and I can genuinely return the emotion in the form of excitement about her on HER day. The ONLY times I fired up my sled was to heat up the muff pot at lunch or to get to her to help if she got stuck a ways away.
** a tip for the ladies here, if your fella has planned a day for just the two of you, be open to WANTING him to go a day or two before for the reasons I just listed.

2) While I don't understand this, I have confirmed this with many other couples. I can (very nicely, and kindly) tell/show my wife how to do something, and she doesn't seem to a)believe me, or b) listen, but as soon as a buddy tells her the EXACT SAME thing, she tries it, and almost always it works. So, perhaps going with another couple you both know and trust, at similar riding levels, and cross-pair with the others' spouse for a bit. It's a fact that just might not be worth fighting. At first, I took it personally, as a problem with our relationship, but as I observed and talked to other couples, I found many healthy relationships have the same challenges. This applies to just about everything: sleds, jet skis, driving a stick fishing, etc.
**tip for the ladies here: try hard to put your ego in check when someone who genuinely loves and cares about you is trying to show you something. Egos can go both ways.

Back to my wife's crash. A lady here listed the stirrups and footwells as a great place to put your feet to add leverage. I totally agree, and she said it better than I just did. I would like to add one point, that I forgot to point out to my wife, and it was a contributing factor to her injury. My wife was going down hill, and lost control of the sled. It was heading for a tree, and she tried to jump off, and her foot got caught. If you put your feet all the way forward in the footwells, and under those "toe-bars", remember that if you need to bail (jump off), you first have to get your feet OUT of the footwell! (you need to slide your feet back a few inches before you can clear the sled) I remembered to tell my wife she was more important than the sled, and how it's insured, so don't worry about it if you get in a bad spot, think about yourself first, but I forgot that little footwell detail. I'm so used to riding things, it's a subconscious thing for me. Hopefully others can learn from "my bad".

My heart really enjoys it when my wife comes with us and has fun. :rose: More than anything with this activity, I want to create and atmosphere where my wife WANTS to be a part of it. I just have to learn how to do that.

Hopefully, this can help someone else make less mistakes than I have.

PE

i will take her out ryan

440dart said:

i will take her out ryan

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Annnnnnddd.....don't forget to praise her at the end of the day about how great she did and how much you really enjoyed watching her learn to ride and also compliment her in areas that she is doing exceptionally well at. This will be a huge confidence booster for her especially when she hears YOU "bragging" about how good she's doing this year compared to years past.

Also, don't forget to treat her to a nice dinner at the end of the day. The closing of the day will set the tone for rides to come. :rose:

Being Gentle, Nice & Loving will get you everywhere

Some great advice here. It would be nice if after a few rides, of hopefully following this advice, you check back in here and let us know how it is going! :beer;