A year and a half ago, for 4th of July, a group of us went riding up at Bear Paw. The conditions pretty much sucked, but hey, it was the 4th of July! Anyway, my wife got scared about a particular route, and I handled it poorly. While I didn't yell, I was frustrated, and I'm ashamed to say I handled it as poorly as it could have been. I was instantly sorry, and I actually didn't realize what I was doing when I did it.
Regardless, we all make mistakes, I was blessed that my wife forgave me, and we (I) had the help of friends that day that helped smooth out the rough spots I created. They know who they are, and I am grateful to have them in our life.
My wife has been going for 3 years now, but not very often. She crashed her first year, and got hurt (More on that later). It was her first injury worse than a paper cut, so it was/is a vivid memory for her. (I've been injured so many times, I don't pay much attention any more, but I have to constantly try to remember how she was affected by that event) Her biggest challenge is going downhill, as that's when she got hurt.
Two specific things that help US:
1) others have listed already: make the day about
her. Go someplace that is comfortable for her to access and ride around in to build confidence. For me, that means I take a ball cap, shades and park my sled on the hill. Take the camera, and develop the mindset that that day is all about her. If you're bored, then you're not in the right frame of mind!
Learn to become truly excited about her victories and accomplishments. For me, this is easiest if I have the freedom to go ride hard a day or two before. I've gotten it out of my system, and when I go back up with my wife, I find that my mindset is grateful for her support of my 'hard day', and I can genuinely return the emotion in the form of excitement about her on HER day. The ONLY times I fired up my sled was to heat up the muff pot at lunch or to get to her to help if she got stuck a ways away.
** a tip for the ladies here, if your fella has planned a day for just the two of you, be open to WANTING him to go a day or two before for the reasons I just listed.
2) While I don't understand this, I have confirmed this with many other couples. I can (very nicely, and kindly) tell/show my wife how to do something, and she doesn't seem to a)believe me, or b) listen, but as soon as a buddy tells her the EXACT SAME thing, she tries it, and almost always it works. So, perhaps going with another couple you both know and trust, at similar riding levels, and cross-pair with the others' spouse for a bit. It's a fact that just might not be worth fighting. At first, I took it personally, as a problem with our relationship, but as I observed and talked to other couples, I found many healthy relationships have the same challenges. This applies to just about everything: sleds, jet skis, driving a stick
fishing, etc.
**tip for the ladies here: try hard to put
your ego in check when someone who genuinely loves and cares about you is trying to show you something. Egos can go both ways.
Back to my wife's crash. A lady here listed the stirrups and footwells as a great place to put your feet to add leverage. I totally agree, and she said it better than I just did. I would like to add one point, that I forgot to point out to my wife, and it was a contributing factor to her injury. My wife was going down hill, and lost control of the sled. It was heading for a tree, and she tried to jump off, and her foot got caught. If you put your feet all the way forward in the footwells, and under those "toe-bars", remember that if you need to bail (jump off), you first have to get your feet OUT of the footwell! (you need to slide your feet back a few inches before you can clear the sled) I remembered to tell my wife she was more important than the sled, and how it's insured, so don't worry about it if you get in a bad spot, think about yourself first, but I forgot that little footwell detail. I'm so used to riding things, it's a subconscious thing for me. Hopefully others can learn from "my bad".
My heart really enjoys it when my wife comes with us and has fun. :rose: More than anything with this activity, I want to create and atmosphere where my wife WANTS to be a part of it. I just have to learn how to do that.
Hopefully, this can help someone else make less mistakes than I have.
PE