Twas the day before Christmas, when all through the house
I was gathering my riding gear while avoiding my spouse.
My snow suit was strung out in the closet somewhere,
But as for my boots, I couldn’t find a pair.
The plan was to sneak out and load up the sleds
While the wife and kids slept snuggly in beds.
My desire was to go out in the snow to play
Rather than shopping with the wife and waste a good day.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
My wife sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
My idiot friend while backing his truck
Failed to notice the mail box, and that’s what he struck.
The muffling crunch of the box was not bad,
But the thought of my exit made my wife really mad.
Thinking quickly I acted as though I had forgot
A commitment to my buddies and mercy I sought.
Dressed in her flannel PJs my wife did not buy,
My flimsy excuse that was more like a lie.
But rather than crushing my plan with one NO
She gave me a choice as to whether I go.
Realizing the danger which awaited my fate.
If I went with my buddies rather than shopping with my mate.
But I also had to consider my reputation at loss.
If my friends realized my wife was the boss.
The sun was a shining, the weather was great
The malls would be crowded, in lines I would wait.
So summing up all the strength I could muster
I told the “old lady” today was a snow buster.
These words stunned my wife to silent dismay
Amidst such confusion I made my getaway.
With sled on the trailer, I claimed my rightful seat
In shotgun position right next to the heat.
And as we departed I noticed my phone
Was alerting me gently about a message from home.
The words were quite simple and prompt on the text.
“You better enjoy your ride, there will be no more sex.”