December 12, 2011

Big Fat Lies




I’m going to ride more this year.

Sure I am. Because why wouldn’t life be less busy this winter than it ever has before? And since when has the tendency to get softer as you age reversed itself? Here’s the truth: I’m going to come up with more excuses why I can’t go when people call on cold, cloudy or windy days or with boring riding destinations.


I’ll be in shape by January.

And that shape is of a recliner. The mythical workout period that I see myself using coincides with football, snow show, deadline crunch time and Ruffles with ranch dip. The truth: I’ll start a routine, hit it hard for a week or two, then one day tell myself I need a rest day and then forget to hit the routine again for 349 days.


I’m going to ride Revelstoke this year.

So long as they move Revelstoke to my town. Everybody wants to ride Revy; about one percent of us actually do. The only thing holding us back is the drive. Well, that and the job, the kids, the cost, the lack of knowing where to even go… The truth: I will someday transition from saying “I want to ride Revy” to “I rode Revy once a few years ago.” That transition will not include actually riding Revy, just convincing myself that I did.


I’m going to make it through a season without breaking my sled.

Shortly after I make it through a season without riding my sled. If you have the self control to see a line you know you shouldn’t hit and then actually not hit it, congrats. You’re a better person. I can’t tell the difference between what I shouldn’t do and should until after I’ve done it. Even then it’s a little grey. The truth: Something is going to bend, break or fail, and you don’t want to be the guy I’m asking if you brought a tow rope.


I will go riding with my neighbors this year.

As long as backyards count. I’ve heard as many invitations as I’ve head stories about cruising the dry farms and bustin’ cornices. Sounds fun, but if the ride doesn’t sound like you’d be shooting a sequel to The Edge if you had to hoof it out, I’ll pass. It’s not that I don’t want to ride with them, it’s just that a Saturday kitchen pass is so hard to get authorized that I’ll only use it on a ride that will be mentioned in the evening news. The truth: I’ll keep blowing off the invites until I get cornered. Then we’ll move again.








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